


Miss Grubbly-Plank Finds Herself (The Older and Wiser Remix)

by Sandel



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: HPFT, F/F, Remix, Remix Redux
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-05 11:55:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4178910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandel/pseuds/Sandel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>Wilhelmina Grubbly-Plank finds an odd unicorn foal, books about people like her, and the Hogwarts librarian.</p>
  <p>---</p>
  <p>A remix of kelly_chambliss' Miss Grubbly-Plank Finds Herself.</p>
</div>
            </blockquote>





	Miss Grubbly-Plank Finds Herself (The Older and Wiser Remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kelly_chambliss](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelly_chambliss/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Miss Grubbly-Plank Finds Herself](https://archiveofourown.org/works/505302) by [kelly_chambliss](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelly_chambliss/pseuds/kelly_chambliss). 



> Hi there, kelly_chambliss!
> 
> I was so stoked and honoured to get to remix one of your stories, as you're the writer of one of my absolute favourite fanfics of all time, Raven's Honour. I had a blast reading through your stories to chose one to remix. In the end I had to narrow the selection down to only stories featuring Wilhelmina Grubbly-Plank (because the day I got the assignment happened to be the name day for the name Wilhelmina in Sweden, where I live) to even be able to make a pick. And then I chose your story Miss Grubbly-Plank Finds Herself, which I found absolutely lovely.
> 
> And then the story got completely out of my hands. The end result is a bit weird, but I hope you'll at least enjoy reading it through once to see what the heck I managed to come up with...
> 
> Cheers!

Wilhelmina Grubbly-Plank was bone tired. She’d spent all night helping to deliver two unicorn foals in the Forbidden Forest. It had been a complicated labour, and the mother’s visible ribs and greyish coat told Will that it had been a complicated pregnancy as well. No wonder – having two foals at once was very uncommon for unicorns. But once both foals were out in the world, Will had realised that something more was wrong.

One of the foals – the slightly larger one – had been up and walking in no time, huddling close to its mother and drinking her milk. But the smaller one hadn’t been able to get up from the ground, even though it’d tried several times. After the eleventh try it had seemed to give up, and just lay still on the ground, shuddering in the cold.

Will had ripped off her cloak and wrapped it around the foal. Then she had summoned all her strength and taken the foal in her arms. She’d quickly explained to the mother as best she could why she was taking her new born foal from her. Like many magical beasts unicorns were exceptionally clever, and even though Will knew that the mother hadn’t understood the words, she seemed to have understood the meaning. After that, Will had rushed up to the castle with the foal in her arms.

Now Will sat in front of the hearth in her borrowed office, with the foal’s head in her lap. A discarded bottle of milk substitute potion lay beside them, dripping the last of its contents on the floor. Will stroked the foal’s forehead and felt the small knob where a horn would start growing out in a few years. Something felt odd about it. Will had always prided herself on her sensitive fingertips, and now she gently squeezed the horn-to-be between them. She could feel the horn’s first twist already through the foal’s skin and fur, and there was definitely something odd about it; it went leftwards! Will had never come across a unicorn with a leftwardstwisting horn before. She supposed that it was possible that the direction of the horn’s twist had something to do with the foal’s weakness, but it was just as possible that the two things were completely unrelated. The only thing she could do was give the foal the best care she could muster and hope for the best.

Will fell asleep on the floor with her arms around the small golden body of the unicorn.

~ ~ ~

The next day Will was woken up by insistent golden headbutts at her face and chest, and when she stirred and opened her eyes her gaze was met by with a large, reproachful brown eye. The unicorn foal was up on its four legs now, and when it saw that Will had opened her eyes it nudged the empty milk bottle on the floor with its muzzle.

Will groaned and tried to sit up. Her whole body was stiff and sore. She wasn’t 45 any more, and a night of sleeping on a hard floor took its toll. But she had to get up, because her young wardling was hungry.

Still half asleep she whipped up the milk substitute potion, fed the unicorn, put on some new clothes and waved her wand over her rat’s nest of hair a few times. The unicorn no longer showed any signs of the weakness that had plagued it yesterday, so Will took it back to its mother and sibling.

When the foal first saw its family again it got shy, hiding behind Will’s robes, but soon it was suckling real mother’s milk and frolicking with its sibling. Will dutifully admired the other foal, combed her fingers through the mother’s mane, and told all three of them to stay close by for extra checkups the coming days.

Will could rightly be proud of her night’s work, but it was still with bittersweet feelings she walked back through the Forbidden Forest. There would be no warm golden body for her to hug as she fell asleep tonight.

When she got back to the castle, Will still had the unicorn foal’s leftwardstwisting horn on her mind. So instead of going back to the rooms she slept in while she was substituting for professor Hagrid, she did something she hadn’t done in many, many years. She went to the library.

~ ~ ~

Will had never been much of a reader, and she owned very few books. She had a much battered and beloved copy of _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_ , of course, and a few other magizoology staples like _The Monster Book of Monsters_ (her copy loved playing with her Crups), _Magical Creatures of the British Isles_ and _The Hand that Feeds: Caring for Cranky Creatures_. She had also inherited a few muggle fiction books from her eccentric muggle aunt, but she rarely found the time to read them. _Mrs. Dalloway_ would always have a special place in Will’s heart, but she only very seldom made an appearance in Will’s mind.

Back when Will had herself been a student at Hogwarts she’d always preferred the more ‘hands on’ subjects over the more theoretical ones – and the more ‘hands on’ elements of the theoretical subjects as well. Her NEWTs were in Care of Magical Creatures, Herbology, Potions, Defence Against the Dark Arts and Charms. None of those subjects had required any extended periods of time in the library, but she’d at least dropped in from time. Now, more than sixty years later, she felt more profoundly out of place than ever before as she hovered around the shelves, looking for the Magizoology section.

“Can I help you?” came a voice from behind Will’s back.

Will whirled around, and came face to face with a woman about her own age. She looked distinctly like an Augurey, down to the greenish black fabric of her robes. This must be Madam Pince, the Hogwarts librarian.

“Oh! Yes…” Will said, startled. “I’m Professor Grubbly-Plank, and I’m looking for information on the properties of unicorn horns,” Will said.

“The Potions section is over there,” Madam Pince said, pointing.

“Potions…? Ah, no, I meant the properties of the horns from the unicorn’s perspective. Er… that is, horns still attached to living unicorns,” Will stammered, inwardly slapping herself for sounding so ridiculous.

Several very awkward minutes later Will checked out the book _All About Unicorns_ by Phillipuna Airgat. When she left the library shortly after, it was with a sense of relief. Madam Pince had only made her feel even more like an unwelcome intruder.

~ ~ ~

Will didn’t actually read the book until a few days later. The first night after her adventure with the unicorn family she tumbled into bed at a quarter past nine and was far too tired to read. Then her days were so filled with lessons and visits to the unicorns that she was simply to preoccupied to read. She almost didn’t even remember to write a note to Professor Hagrid telling him to keep an extra eye on the two newborns.

It wasn’t until the weekend that she sat down in her temporary study and opened the thick, silver white volume with the words _‘All About Unicorns’_ printed in gold upon it. But when she did, she was instantly hooked. Will had thought she’d learned all there was to know about unicorns from her grand-dad when she was a wee lass, but this Airgat woman was on a whole different level when it came to understanding the beautiful creatures. And on page 336 she even found what she was actually looking for. Ms Airgat wrote:

_I was walking with my husband, Zebulun Airgat, in the forest when we came across a young stallion shedding the last of his silver coat. He was a lovely specimen, if a bit small of stature, and as I try to get acquainted with all individuals in the area, I decided to try to approach him._

_I gestured to Zebulun to stay back, but as I approached the stallion he shied away from me. I slowly sat down on the forest floor, spreading my skirts around me, making me lap as inviting as possible for the unicorn to rest his head in, but still the stallion didn’t come. He just bobbed his head nervously and eyed me warily. After a few minutes of this, Zebulun began to grow bored, and cleared his throat. This was our agreed upon code for “I’m about to leave”. But then the oddest thing happened. When the stallion heard my husband, he forst went completely still. Then he turned around and walked over to Zebulun, docile as a lamb._

_We named the stallion Fearchar, and in time I could handle him about as well as Zebulun could handle the other unicorns in our forest. But even until his dying day Fearchar was far more wary of womenfolk than of wizards. Zebulun, who got to know him well, speculated that there might be a connection between his odd leanings and the leftwards twist to his horn. We also often observed him mating with other stallions, which might possibly be related as well. For further speculation along these lines, and a more general discussion of how unicorns react to people of different sexualities, see Chefker, 2004._

Will immediately thumbed through the book’s list of references, where she found that “Chefker, 2004” refered to a book called _Spelling Queer – Musings About Same-Sex Sexuality Among Magical Creatures and in Wizarding Communities._ She read the title with a bolt of excitement, and then a sigh of annoyance as she realised that this meant that she had to go back to the library.

Will had known that she was the sort of woman who fell in love with and wanted to have sex with other women – and only women – since she was in her early twenties, and she’d learned words like ‘lesbian’ and ‘gay’ from her muggle friends when she was in her forties. But she had somehow never realised that there might be books written about that experience – at least not wizarding non-fiction. Now that the realisation had finally hit her, she wanted to read every book she could get her hands on as soon as possible.

~ ~ ~

“Do you have _Spelling Queer_ in?” Will asked Madam Pince early the next morning. Sixty years ago asking for a book with a title like that would have made her neck and throat blush a blotchy red. But it had been a long time since Will had decided that she refused to feel embarrassed about her sexual desires.

“Yes, we have,” came Madam Pince’s reply. “It’s in the restricted section. Is there any particular reason you need it?”

The reply was perfectly brisk and professional, and still there was something in the librarian’s voice… a tone that Will couldn’t quite decipher. She just knew that something about it put her on edge.

“Yeah, maybe there is a ‘particular reason’,” she retorted brusquely. “Maybe I want to read books like that because _I’m_ like that! And you know what? There’s _nothing_ wrong with witches loving other witches and enjoying their bodies.”

“No, no, that’s not what I’m saying,” the librarian quickly insisted. “Not at all. What I’m saying is that… I’m like that, too.”

“You are?” Will said, incredulous. “I mean… The rumours about you and the caretaker…”

“Argus is just a good friend,” Madam Pince replied primly. There was a firmness to her voice that told Will that this was a sentence that she’d had to repeat many times over.

Will quickly found her feet again.

“That’s good news for the ladies,” she said with her most winning smile.

The librarian smiled back, rather shyly.

“Well, come on then,” she said. “Let’s get you _Spelling Queer_. Oh, and… you can call me ‘Irma’, if you want.”

“Then I insist you call me ‘Will’,” Will shot back, her own smile widening even more.

She followed Irma into the forbidden section with a sense of anticipation, but by the time they’d gotten to the right shelf Irma had gone back to her brisk professionalism. Will left the library with a new book to read and a determination to see how close she could get to Irma if she tried.

~ ~ ~

But the next time Will arrived at the library, ready for some light hearted flirting, she caught Irma in a grumpy mood.

“Why the sour face, beautiful?” Will asked, and earned herself a weak smile.

“Some brainless fourth year said his _Aperturam_ wrong and blew up my _sixth_ copy of _Ecclectic Explosions_ ,” Irma replied with a long suffering sigh. “Now I’ll have to order a new one _again_.”

“What happened to the student?” Will asked, mildly worried.

“Bah, he’s down in the hospital wing, regrowing his zinged eyebrows. He’ll be all right. My book won’t.”

“That’s a tragedy,” Will said, and she meant it. She still didn’t care overly much about books, but she’d already come to care for _Irma_ quite a bit.

“It is,” Irma agreed, in a sorrowful tone of voice. But then she brightened up. “But don’t mind that. I have a book here somewhere that I think you would like.”

She rummaged about in her check out desk for a few moments, and came back up holding a thick green and gold volume that looked pretty old (though not nearly as old as some of the dust collectors in the library). When Will accepted the book from Irma she saw that it was called _Sexualis Wizardiana_ , and published by the same publishing house as _Spelling Queer_.

”’Kinsey and Hite’ has done a lot of good work getting this kind of book published,” Irma said, smiling, when Will mentioned this.

The smile was a smile of promise, and Will felt a flower of anticipation grow in her chest.

“You know what, maybe I’ll skip checking this one out,” she said. “I could just read it here in the library.”

~ ~ ~

“Is it true that being gay is more common among wiz-kind?” Will asked a little more than an hour later. “I’ve always found it easier to find muggle birds who’re up for a spin.”

“Well, they are so many more than us, the muggles,” Irma pointed out. She’d come to sit and read beside Will once the students’ curfew began and the library emptied.

“True…” Will said, thoughtfully. “And those that are gay tend to group together more.”

“Ah yes. But I’ve read that there’s a gay bar for wizards and witches over in a city called ‘San Francisco’ in the old colonies.” As Irma spoke Will found herself unable to look away from her lips. In Irma’s pale face they stood out starkly with their lovely pinkness.

“Fascinating,” Will said, and then she leaned in to kiss those pink, pink lips. That put a stop to their conversation for a while.

It turned out that Irma wore a wonderful baby blue chemise trimmed with naughty black lace under her professional green-black robes. Seeing the chemise woke an irresistible urge to touch it in Will, so she slid her hands over it, enjoying its silky feel. Then, with a quick motion, she hoisted it up over Irma’s hips.

Will had always thought of Irma as thin, but the closer inspection that she now undertook proved that Irma wasn’t, after all, thin all over. No; her hips were wide and luscious, and her buttocks exceedingly squeezable even with wrinkled excess skin hanging from them. Will imagined them younger and rounder under her hands, and found that she preferred them the way they were now.

Irma laughed when Will squeezed her bum, and then she ran her hands over Will’s closely cropped grey hair. Then she lifted her hands to her own head, and pulled her hair out of the tight bun she kept it in during work hours. Let loose it fell past her shoulders in soft white curls. Will leaned forward to bury her face in it, as Irma started biting softly at her neck.

With her nose full of the sweet smell of Irma’s hair potion, Will let her fingers travel down to explore the soft grey-black hair on Irma’s Venusian mound. At Will’s first stroke, Irma tensed and lifted her hand, ready to guide Will right. But Will soon proved to her that she could sense the best way into Irma’s folds without a helping hand. Irma leaned back in abandon, her hand fallen carelessly onto her knee, and she mumbled something about always having dreamt of fucking in the library. Once again Will sent a prayer of thanks to the gods of magizoologists and sapphists for her sensitive fingertips. She stroked Irma to her first climax of the night just like that, as she whispered promises of more to come in her ear.

~ ~ ~

“I have something I want to show you,” Will said a few moments later, touching the bite mark Irma had left on her shoulder when she came.

Irma gave a hoarse laugh.

“From what you’ve done this far, I can only suppose that you’re going to Accio me the moon…” she said, her grey-blue eyes shining with humour.

“That’s a surprisingly good guess,” Will replied with a laugh of her own. “ _Accio recta_ Moonshine’s horn!”

She pointed her wand at her left hand, and immediately a unicorn horn materialised into her grip. The horn came from Moonshine, a unicorn from Will’s grandfather’s farm which had taken a particular liking to Will when she was a young girl. Many years later the unicorn had died with its head in Will’s lap, and Will couldn’t think of a purer way to honour her dead friend than putting her horn to a use where it regularly found itself resting in the lap of a beautiful woman, if in a bit of a different context.

From consideration for her sexual partners, Will had cut the tip of the horn of, and filed it down to a rounder shape. (She’d saved the tip of her horn as well, and wore it on a silver chain around her neck.) Then she’d filed a thin slit into the base of the horn.

As Irma watched her with interest, Will now slid the slit at the base of the horn onto her clit, and felt the familiar tingling sensation of the magic mending together horn and body into one.

Irma studied Will’s new appendage with an impressed look on her face.

“I’ve read about things like that,” she admitted, awe in her voice, “but I’ve never seen it in real life. My lovers usually make do with caoutchouc for their… extra equipment.”

“Rubber, you mean?” Will asked with a smirk. Usually she got annoyed when witches and wizards used archaic words for everyday Muggle items, but with Irma she found it endearing instead. “Yeah, I’ve tried that. It’s… not the same. This is much better. Whatever you’ve heard about it, I’m sure it won’t disappoint.”

She might as well have added ‘ _I_ won’t disappoint,’ what with all the confidence she had right now. This was going to be amazing.

“I’m sure it won’t,” Irma replied with a smirk of her own. Then she jumped up on the check out desk with surprising agility for her age and let her legs fall open.

As Will placed herself between her legs, Irma let her head fall to one side on the dark wood of the desk. Will admired her profile as she slowly, teasingly, pulled herself into her opening among the pink folds of her nether lips – or _labia_ , as Will now knew they were called. Each ridge of the unicorn horn sliding into Irma’s depth earned Will a soft moan. Will could feel her own breathing grow faster, and had to bite her own lip to keep from speeding up. A unicorn horn was much less forgiving than most regular dildos, so she had to be extra careful. But oh, it was so worth it.

Will entered Irma completely, and began to draw herself out again. She could feel every little contraction of Irma’s _pelvic floor muscles_ reverberate all through her own body. And when Irma’s eyes widened in shock and found Will’s, Will knew that Irma could feel her as well. They kept their eye contact through every subsequent motion, until Will collapsed into Irma’s waiting arms. They shook together in a simultaneous orgasm facilitated by the horn’s magical properties. Will’s consciousness seemed to float away, inwards and outwards at the same time. She felt like a tiny speck of awareness that incorporated the whole cosmos. She hoped Irma felt the same.

~ ~ ~

When Will came back to reality, she pushed herself up onto her arms and smiled down at her lover. The exertion had given a slight flush of colour to Irma’s sallow cheeks, and Will found herself wishing she could take the librarian out onto the grounds to catch some sun. Maybe she could. Maybe she could take her Madam Pince into the Forbidden Forest to see the newborn unicorns, and then fuck her against a tree trunk. Maybe they could take a Thestral or a Hippogriff and fly up to that mountaintop Will could see through the library window and fuck there. Maybe they could sneak into the staff room at lunch and fuck in the ugly wardrobe. Maybe they could travel to America and visit that wizarding gay bar that Irma had mentioned…

Or maybe they could just stay in the library for days and test out every single sex position that Irma’s lovely sexology books had to offer.

The possibilities were endless.


End file.
